a bit of self-reflection

breath taking....I saw dolphins jumping as I watched the sunset from shore.....a moment I will keep with me forever and pull out whenever I need a bit of peace

Journal Entry from 2.21.2009

So today we went fishing at 7:30am at Andrews insistance. At first I was a little doubtful when I saw the shanty boat, but it turned out to be alright. So we went with a 15 yr boy named Sandy, and his father. WHile we were out in the ocean all I could think of was that sandy reminded me of the disciples. A very poor, young, uneducated fisherman. The disciples must've been like that.

Anyways Andrew and I are both burnt to a crisp from yesterday (my chest mainly) and his entire body. You see, Andrew was in charge of buying the sunscreen--bad idea. I was surprised when he came back with SPF 15 but didn't question him. After he got fried yesterday he exclaimed "I dont understand!!! That sunblock shoulda been good for 15 hrs" Turns out all 21 years of Andrews life hes always thought the SPF# was the # of hours it blocked the sun--poor guy; I informed him and he felt like a huge idiot. So today we're both spending the day on the porch of the shack in hammocks, enjoying the breeze and the veiw, but avoiding the sun.

This trip has been amazing! Last night Andrew and I laid out under the stars on blankets just talking about what God means to us, whare are perceptions of God is, and several other religious topics. He's really discovering himself and his faith this trip, and it's been very cool to watch him take that journey.

From the moment I felt God put India on my heart at 3am in Bowling Green, KY, to the divine way God used the unexpected to provide money, to all the small, odd details that worked out more than perfectly, to allowing God to use my story to touch the hearts of the ones I love, and now the several other countlss oppourtunities that I have daily, I cannot sit here and see all of this unravel and say that this was all mere coincidence. Theres no way! It simply amazes me that some people can believe there is no God. You couldn't have left all of this up to chance....Im certain it wouldn't have worked out so perfectly if it were just fate or coincidence. No, it has only further concreted my faith in God, and His ever-present workings in our life. Who knows how many unforseen reprecussions this trip, my story may have. Perhaps none, bt if any ALL glory to God. Even if not a single life were affected by this trip, I know my own life is being shaped and molded. My woldveiw, my naievity, my compassion, and love are all being shaped and matured. Im being transformed from a wide-eyed naieve Kentucky good'ol' christian girl who only knows the comfort of white-middle-class suburban American, God-fearing culture into a slightly more pensive, slightly more understanding of the worlds atrocities and beauties, and slightly less naieve and thus more heartbroken young woman. A girl who's never known the true pain of hearbreak to a young woman, still barely grasping the concept, but witnessing it all around. Some say heartbreak matures a person which makes sense--you become less blissful and naieve and it is perhaps why girls mature faster than boys:they tend to get their hearts broken so much more than boys. If that is infact the case Im maturing by the day here. God has blessed me with compassion beyond my own understanding, which means that my heart breaks for those who have broken hearts. In India there is certainly no shortage of broken hearts.

I can say for fact that I will come back a different person; perhaps the changes will not be too noticable, maybe a little more careful with my words or actions, or maybe...just maybe I'll come back so changed that you may have to 'meet' me all over again-like an old friend who moved away 15 years ago. I can't be sure because its like seeing if you've lost weight--you don't notice it because its so gradual, but those who havn't seen you notice right away.

Just a fraction of the self-reflection that I've been doing here in India, and thought I'd share it with you....its kinda personal, but I think it's vital in telling my WHOLE story.

I love and miss you so much, with all my love,

Rebecca Ann