Toilet Horrors; Beware Before Reading

This is a blog dedicated to the random Bathroom atrocities that I probably shouldn’t share with the world, but are necessary to tell my complete story…
So Indians don’t use toilet paper…and I know what your thinking—“….what do they use then?” They use their left hand. I’ve been told by Rekha that this is because of the Hindu god Sariswati (sp?) who is the goddess of knowledge (and inevitably paper.) And well, frankly to wipe your buttocks with a god is, well, kind of disrespectful—the equivalent of using a page right out of the book of Dueteronomy or Psalms or Corinthians (or insert any book of the bible.) This presents an interesting predicament for a Western-raised college girl travelling to India. Thank the Lord that I have a healthy sense of humor in which I can often laugh at myself. (And I hereby give you the permission to laugh at all my quandaries that I am about to present to you in this blog.)

*If you have a weak stomach, or feel uncomfortable with the topic of bathroom issues or want to keep a pristine image of me, please discontinue reading*
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So there have been many-a-time where I’ve found myself in a public bathroom with a toilet paper predicament. You see some public places have modernized and do have toilet paper, but many have not. This presents an even greater dilemma when I forget my ‘Emergency Safety Travel Pack’ –what I have termed my package containing: tissues, wet-wipes, anti-disinfectant, feminine products, and stomach medicine. But one learns easily to adapt and adjust to circumstances. The toilets themselves are ‘easternized’ toilets. For those of you who have not the slightest clue what I'm referring to you, I will paint you a picture. An ‘easternized’ toilet basically a hole in the ground in which one relieving themselves squats over. There are ‘foot grips’ on either side of the hole, and well…if the picture is not clear enough I'm sure you can google-image it. Anyways next to the hole in the ground there is a small faucet and pail. The trick is to cup your hand underneath the faucet fill it with water, splash the water on yourself (hope I'm not being too graphic here), and then…well….wipe. In some cases there is a sprayer (which is more convient) but in all cases you use water first then hand second (making sure its ALWAYS the left!)You then use the excess water from the pail to ‘flush’. I’ve found cleaning oneself with the hand is oddly natural. Perhaps much more unsanitary, but in some unexplainable way it feels more in-tune with the body. I say unsanitary because soap is somewhat uncommon in public restrooms (esp. low-grade restaurants/malls.) Which often makes me think when eating food prepared outside; food is prepared with two hands, soap is rare….and well you can think of the rest by yourself. Needless to say my immune system has done an immaculate job of keeping me healthy against the war of germs raging against it daily. Praise God!
Anyways on to the atrocities:
Crisis #1: So the very first time I used the ‘easternized’ toilet I was untrained in the art of squatting and urinating and ended up urinating all over my foot….and I was on a day-outing and unable to properly wash my foot/sandal for the entire day.
Crisis #2: I fell a bit sick after some bad street food and ended up clogging my toilet…and well had no plunger….equipping myself with several (and I mean like 7!) ziplock baggies over my hand I learned how to self-unclog…plumbing business here I come!
These are two of the MANY bathroom quandaries that I have had, and if you got a kick out of these two please feel free to ask me about my several others. I didn’t want to get too graphic of too personal here.
Sorry if this blog was a little much, but I thought it was essential to tell this part of my story as well….a perfect example of how I have had to adjust and adapt to a culture so different from my own.
Another example of this would be cutlery. Indians don’t use silverware and eat with their right hand only (remember what the left is reserved for…) and it has become second nature to me. I am a pro at eating rice and ‘soupy’ items with my hand, and have actually come to prefer it to the use of silverware.
Just two of the many adjustments that I’ve made while being here. I have to say, it’s good to be culturally open to new ways of doing things; some you reject (no toilet paper), but some you accept as even better than what you’ve grown up knowing (eating with hands.)
Again, hope this wasn’t too graphic, and I hope I made my point that adjustment is necessary, but not a ‘necessary evil’.
With love,
Rebecca Bouvin