Tuesday, May 12, 2009

so much more than the greatest adventure of my life



















This is the story of a journey…

…a journey that a 20 year old, wide-eyed, naive, southern girl embarked on, in the name of adventure and with the ambition of changing the world….

In her pursuit of adventure she found so much more than she bargained for….

she found herself….

And as for her ambitions?

Her world was changed forever.

This story, MY story finds its origins in a humid August midnight when I lie awake not being able to sleep because I knew I was going to India….whether it was a mission trip or study abroad I had no idea how and when, but I couldn’t sleep because India had gotten into my head and wouldn’t shake itself loose. I stayed awake the entire night restlessly researching study abroad programs, mission trips, and several other doorways to India. My parents came to Bowling Green the next day to help move in some furniture and that was the first time I mentioned India to them. They casually said they would pray about it, thinking it was just a fleeting preoccupation. But I knew in my heart of hearts that I was going to India.


Over the next several months, my life consisted of forms upon forms, restless and impatient prayers, and research into every possible outlet to India, and financial resources. At one point things seemed hopeless…I had been accepted to a program that was impossibly expensive with no way of raising the money. I distinctly remember the conversation I had with my mom on the phone-her saying “perhaps you are supposed to go to India, but just not at this time…” and of course in her motherly wisdom she was right…was this the right time for me to go? I didn’t want to think so and in my impatience I grew very frustrated at her for suggesting such a thing. *by the way mom, thanks for putting up with my impatience, and frustration, and allowing me to come!* The next day I decided would determine for a sure fact whether I was going in the Spring or not….I marched into the study abroad office asking for more possibilities of a service-study abroad; I found my way to CCIS. After several phone calls, meetings, and more forms I was accepted into the program in the last week of September. Everything seemed to be falling perfectly and divinely into place. Credit hours for both of my majors were seemingly falling into my lap effortlessly. I would graduate on time without any summer classes. The only thing left was the money.
What I didn’t know was that since the day I mentioned India my parents had been praying for confirmation. Confirmation through money. With the recession, the pizza business has failed to properly thrive and there was no way we were going to be able to afford this trip—twice the amount of my WKU tuition. Hearing the stories of how my parents would go for walks together and pray out loud for this trip, for confirmation and peace has touched my heart and left me amazed at the faith of my parents…my role models of faith. And more importantly my very own prayer warriors. God hears prayers….it’s true and my life is a living testimony of this; if not my own prayers, then certainly the prayers of my parents for my life.


Confirmation had already come for me with everything falling into place-classes, schedules, and mostly the Holy Spirit within me. I was going to take out loans, and had even signed the papers to do so. But confirmation for my parents arrived in the form of one phone call November 3rd. A family of the church had been moved to help sponsor my trip and had called to inform me...on November 4th Steve Stovall informed me that CSF was also stepping forward to help me go to India…and in the funny ways that God works, on November 5th I received a letter from WKU Study Abroad Office stating that I had been awarded their prestigious study abroad scholarship, and that Thursday, November 6th, my mom had called and said that her friend from BSF would like to donate financially to my trip. Confirmation had come for my parents. I was going to India Spring 2009.
I felt as though I had passed various tests of faith—although I didn’t have to take out loans I was willing to do such a thing…I had been asked to sacrifice and I had been willing, but in the end God had been fully providing. The real test of faith came November 9th. I remember distinctly where I was when I first saw the news reports: I was at the gym with Bill (whom I work with at Lifeskills) on the treadmill when the TV flashed “BREAKING NEWS: TERROR ATTACKS ON MUMBAI—WESTERNERS ARE TARGETED—BEWARE OF TRAVELING TO INDIA!!” This was more of a test for my parents than for me, seeing as I am young and feel invincible. I remember over Thanksgiving as news spread my phone was cluttered with text messages and phone calls from concerned friends. “You’re not still going to India are you?” But an overwhelming sense of peace enveloped me and if my parents were worried they never said so. They knew God’s hand was within all of this and also knew they had no right to question or doubt Him. The second test of faith came in the news of Christians being persecuted in Orissa. Quite sobering to read an article about Christians being hunted and raped and burned alive knowing that in just a few months you would be in the same country sharing the common denominator: Christian faith—the reason of persecution. I won’t lie; I was a bit shaken up after learning about the horrendous things being done to Christians. Again, to my surprise, my parents held a steadfast peace about my trip.
At the close of my Fall semester, late night talks with my best friend and roommate brought me to the realization of just what I was going to sacrifice to go to India Spring 2009. I was going to miss out on the relationships with my friends. The good times, the laughter, tears, inside jokes, and hard times. The things of life that grow people—bond them together. I would be missing out on helping my best friend plan her wedding…I would miss out on grandiose spring break vacations, and all the little things in between that really mean so much to friendship. In those late night talks, my stomach filled with butterflies, my heart fluttered in excitement of the upcoming adventure, but always the knowledge that I would be missing out on unforgettable memories with all my incredible friends dragged me down just a little bit.
Christmas break commenced and I was thankful to spend an entire month with my family before I departed to the other side of the world. The small memories of that month mean the most to me now…the sole reason I look forward to coming home despite my deep attachment to this country and culture. The memories of my sister and I laughing over a ridiculous comment in ‘Arrested Development’, or the memory of me climbing into bed with my mom only to have her physically kick me out and start a tickle fight, or riding around with my dad as he delivered pizzas talking about pretty much everything under the sun…these reminiscences are what draw me home. Home is not a country, state, or house….its familiar faces and voices.
Christmas day was filled with good food, conversation, laughter and relaxation. My parents don’t know this, but the days after Christmas I returned almost every gift I had been given (with the exception of a few items that I could use in India) and deposited the money in my account for India. Again the same thing for my birthday (sorry mom I took back the bday outfit you bought me, I thought the money could be better used for India.) I was thankful for the gifts, just not in need. I also cashed all the savings bonds my parents had given me since birth to use for India. My entire life savings in ONE trip.
January 15th had come and at 2am my dad helped me pack and repack my suitcases attempting to shift the weight between the two, so that neither was overweight (and I must say he is a pro at that!) The next day, January 16th, came and I made all my final preparations for the trip. Said some final goodbyes over the phone, sat down with my parents and my roommate to pray for my trip and we headed for the airport. My grandparents, best friend, and parents accompanied me. I was surprised to find that several of my friends were waiting at the airport to wish me goodbye. I cannot lie when I say this: I have some of the most loyal and supportive friends anyone could ever ask for. A tearful goodbye ensued as I openly cried saying goodbye to my friends, and then bawled as I hugged and kissed my parents goodbye. Possibly the hardest thing I have ever done in my 21 years of life; saying goodbye to the ones I love most in this world knowing I would be on the other side of the world for the longest time I’ve ever been away from them. Walking away from those who I love and care about the most, and who love and care about me the most was bitter heartbreak. Breathing deeply and looking back one last time I boarded the plane to the unknown.


The journey in discovering myself was over 7,500 miles away, 24 hours long, and a seemingly a whole new world apart…


Through a series of flights, and friends along the way, I journeyed to India. I distinctly remember my first moments in India. I was thrilled, scared, excited, and just a mixture of human emotions. The only time this entire trip that I have truly wanted to jump on a plane and head back home happened when I first reached my hostel. I was confused, frustrated, jetlagged, exhausted. The outlets weren’t working and due to my extreme exhaustion all sense of reason and logic had left me. I thought that because the outlets didn’t work that I would have no means to charge my phone or laptop, thus cutting off all means of communication to my family and friends. My distinct thoughts were “I won’t get to talk to my friends and family for 4 whole months!” In what I now look back and smile at as moment of weakness, I began crying and wishing I had never come. Realizing that I was being completely irrational I decided to sleep off my frustration, and fell asleep for a solid 23 hours. Waking up with much more sense I realized that the outlets had a light switch next to them in which you had to turn an outlet ‘on’ to use it--I felt silly and foolish for having had cried.
Looking back on these first few memories and all my memories from these past 4 months in India leaves me in a daze. It’s like some dream that I'm bound to wake up from eventually. I would love to sit here and type a million memories, a million stories from this trip, but time and space do not permit me to do so. So in a short recap, the next months were filled with making friends, my birthday, working at St. Josephs, various trips, a million questions about the Indian culture to any Indian willing to listen & answer, classes, laughter, tears, self-realization, learning about the world on its larger scale, and so many other invaluable experiences. I may come home without much money to my name (having used my life savings on this trip), but I can say that I am rich in memories. Reflecting back on these past few months, I can say I have no regrets, and the trip in its entirety has been worth all of the sacrifice (both monetary and in relationships.)
A four month journey of self-discovery filled with laughter, love, heartache, friendship, tears, learning, adventure, and self-realization…


A transformation of me and a revolution of my world took place within the short span of 4 months, 127 days, 3048 hours, 182,880 minutes, and 10,972,800 seconds.


10,972,800 moments for better or worse, forever altered my life.


My transformation includes the relationships that I’ve made here, the trips that I’ve taken, the people that I have met along the way, the crushes I have had, the food that I’ve bravely tackled, the bathroom difficulties I’ve faced, the political and culturally current issues of the time, the various skills I’ve acquired (i.e. motorcycle driving, the Indian head wobble/accent, etc.) and many other experiences that have shaped and molded my trip, but there have been 4 eye-opening experiences that I accredit my most defining development to. These are the issues that I have struggled with internally--that I would say have come to define my trip to India and ultimately my self-discovery. Experiences I am not soon to forget because doing so would be to deny the self-realization I’ve come to here in India. These four include: Beggary, the slums, experiencing rural India first-hand in KGF, and certainly my work at St. Josephs with my beloveds.
Witnessing beggars, slums, and rural life in India has changed my entire perspective on destitution and poverty. It aches my heart to look into the eyes of a beggar and shake my head and walk away; an ache that has not subsided with time or routine or repetition. To walk through a slum and wonder where the justice was in the fact that I should be blessed enough to have been born into such an amazing family, with resources, in a country that is blessed beyond imagination, has humbled me beyond words. Experiencing personally rural Indian life alone has brought new meaning to things that before I took for granted-AC, electricity, comfort. Seeing such poverty has molded me into a wiser young woman. I am more aware of the marginalized poor population that exists outside my comfortable little American life. It has surely opened my eyes to a world so much bigger than anything I’ve ever known. Statistics and facts can be blissfully ignored, but faces…..faces cannot be forgotten. Experiencing just one night in KGF has equipped me with the understanding of how it actually feels to live in poverty. In just my few short months here in India, the issue of beggary itself has led to the discovery of the world around me, while the visit to slums forever altered my perspectives creating in me a renewed gratitude, and also an understanding and appreciation for previously overlooked resources and circumstances. These experiences have placed in me a sense of obligation and urgency—an obligation to inform others of the world on its larger scale, helping them overcome the trap that I have termed “the American bubble”, and a sense of urgency to help those less fortunate than myself.
As for my ambitions of changing the world? I worked at St. Josephs 20 hours a week, with young girls in broken circumstances. I can’t say whether or not I changed the world, but I can walk away from India saying that I have given the world a little more love. Whether that has revolutionized the world or even changed a life, I’ll never know. But what I do know is that it has revolutionized my world and changed me for the better.
These experiences, along with learning a new culture and overcoming my own cultural biases have broadened my worldview transforming this once closed-minded, naive, culturally-superior American girl into a more open-minded, slightly wiser, and much more accepting young woman…in just 4 months. So in looking for adventure I discovered something much more valuable--a new me; one who better comprehends the world, thus better understanding my responsibilities, role, and inevitably myself.
I would rant and rave about various memories from this trip, but I know that I’ll be home shortly and will have all the time in the world to share with you face to face all my experiences. Whether the changes that have taken place in me are subtle in nature, or you notice a distinct difference in my personality I can’t say. But what I can say is that I know the difference within myself. I know the memories, the faces, and will forever try to retain the sights/smells/sensations that have encountered here in India—the ones that have developed me into who I am today.
To all of you who have financially, morally, or prayerfully supported me; my friends, and family: If it weren’t for your prayers and support none of this would have taken place. I would still be ignorantly self-involved in my little American bubble. The girls in St. Joseph's wouldn’t have had a strange, foreign, white girl hold them in her lap, or tell them how beautiful they were. A village called KGF would still be full of people who had never seen white skin in person, and there would be a handful of beggars’ one lollipop shorter. So thank you. Thank you for the beggars who were treated as humans and not detestable annoyances by at least one person, thank you for the small village of KGF who were overwhelmingly grateful to be ‘blessed’ by a foreigners presence. Thank you for all the girls who for maybe the first time in their entire lives had someone who remotely cared for them no strings attached-no paycheck involved, no obligations necessary. But mostly I want to thank you for me…from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for making this trip not only possible for me, but for supporting me every step of the way; for encouraging my faith, growth, and maturity. Your love and support has meant more than I can express in words. I am overwhelmingly humbled and filled with gratitude.
To my roommate: thank you for your support. I know at first it was very hard for you to handle. Our last semester to room together—one that we were supposed to compact a million memories into before your wedding in August. One of your toughest semesters, and I wasn’t there for you in person; always in prayer, but not able to give you a hug when you most needed one. Thank you for letting go and trusting God. Thank you for our late night conversations that last week in the apartment and for encouraging me every step of the way. Thank you for praying for peace, and eventually allowing God to fill you with peace about my trip. Thank you for your continual prayers, and support. Thank you for being the one I could message any story to and get advice, or just an audience from. Thank you for being the kind of friend that I look forward to coming home to. For being the friend that will have eager ears, and good advice as I try to sort through all of this and put it together and attempt to figure out how it fits into life back in the states. I love you.
To my AMAZING parents and sister that I love more than India. Yep, I said it—I love you way more than India (if it weren’t for this fact I wouldn’t be coming home in 4 days.) Thank you for being my personal prayer warriors. Mom and Dad: Thank you for letting go of one of the things in this world that you love the most (apart from each other and Laura.) Thank you for having faith, and letting me find my own; a genuine faith to call my very own. Thank you for building me up all these years-all your effort, wisdom, hard work, and faith put into forming my wings, and now for letting me go and allowing me to fly…to soar. I've heard it’s one of the hardest things for parents to do, and I must say you have done it gracefully. Thank you for having peace about my trip despite the terror attacks, the Christian persecution, and the other trials of worry that you have faced (i.e. not hearing from me on a regular basis.) Thank you Mom for answering my teary-eyed phone call when I had been throwing up all night and was exhausted and homesick; just hearing your voice and words of comfort made me feel better. And also for the various cards that you sent me in India that always managed to make my entire week better. Thank you Dad for allowing God to touch your heart and fill you with enough compassion to send a suitcase-full of panties for the St. Josephs girls--which inevitably touched my heart. And for your various texts informing me of how much you miss me and think about me. I think about you all just as much! Thank you both for allowing me to embark on this trip of a lifetime and for standing back to watch your little girl grow up. Just so you know, I will be home in 4 days-happy, healthy, most likely in culture shock, jetlagged, exhausted, but an overall better person. So a pre-thanks for taking care of me as I overcome my culture shock/jetlag/exhaustion.
As I sit here in the middle of an Indian coffee shop, with Indian coffee, wearing my Indian attire (Salwar), watching the street of India out the window, listening to Hindi music, I contemplate how to close what has now become possibly my longest blog. I could talk about how much I look forward to coming home, or how much I am going to miss India, but I feel the most appropriate way to end ‘Rebecca’s Bangalore Blog’ is to simply say:
Glory to God for my life altering journey…my heart transforming adventure…my world revolutionizing trip to India Spring 2009.



With all my sincerity and love,

Rebecca Ann

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